Imparting Grace- an Attempt or Contempt?

"The political function of 'the right of free speech' is to protect dissenters and unpopular minorities from forcible suppression - not to guarantee them the support, advantages, and rewards of a popularity they have not gained."
— Ayn Rand (The Virtue of Selfishness)

I read this beautiful quote from Ayn and got frisky about an article, published in the local paper, my good learned Uncle Severin wrote in response to the Prime Minister's public statement that he is a beneficiary of the Government's 'handout'. I couldn't resist writing and of course laughing! Politics can be fun if we learn to loosen up and take ourselves less seriously at times! So here goes, laugh with me...well you must read his article to really laugh mine, seriously!

I seek to applaud the fearlessness and courage portrayed by Dr. Francis Severin in taking time out to express in a rather poignant manner the inner workings of what has been popularly coined the “Red Clinic.” Whether or not this had been his intent or purpose, he has in a very long and laborious manner extol, état de grace, what many have attempted to explain, critic, debase or elevate through countless media across Dominica. I wish to extend my sincere commendations to such brevity by individuals who see it fit to provide the necessary respectable exposure and requisite information that confirms what they themselves are vulnerable to adjudge as an attack on their personhood. You have done well, Uncle!

Still one should be very worried indeed of attempting to beg, rather flatter, the public into believing that that which you received of the Head of Government is very “different” or may we say in…”comparable to mine!” With those fading eyes I reluctantly accepted to see only one difference between the referred to “lady” and yourself: she’s obviously female; your gender is of-course apparent! Taking a clue from your writings, perhaps you may be extremely suggestive of your term or hyperbolic utterance such as “[…] not playing a chambermaid […].” I do hope your meaning was less inclined to such insinuation.

But less we get diverted, the Hon. Prime Minister, a Politician, seeks, as you have most gracefully confirmed, to express the natural and general distaste of individuals who seek to vilify and misalign individuals who choose to publicly express their gratitude for favors, entitlements received from the hands of the Government whether deserving, qualified or not. It is necessary, I dare say with bold abandon, to show that in the scheme of things we all at one point or another in possession of some unwarranted impediment requiring external redress and qualifying intervention. Man we just need a “Red Clinic” at some point in our life despite our best efforts at being ignorant or without a clue as to what transpires. Yes, at the moment of need, we follow the express pathway as everyone else in a similar circumstance. Moreover we always remain “committed” to that “course of action” because it not beneficial to do otherwise, at the time!

I'm screaming here; what is so wrong with that? Isn't it worth talking about? I'm inclined to make the analogy of the Pharisee, alas permit me: “The man who did this cannot be from God, for he does not obey the [constitutional] law, John 9:16. (Insert mine sub for Sabbath) in their usual attempt to discredit the claims of restoration of sight made by the poor blind man about 2000 years ago. Does the need of someone perhaps of a lesser persuasion, less endowed education, or as you would say, be of “chambermaid” qualifications less deserving than you? Am I missing something here? Why would one who holds in esteem the platitudes of higher education resort to such extensive, extended, rather overtly protracted response to a simple fact, even if the fact “statutes of limitations (as it were) has run out […]”? At least you have confirmed the Labor Politicians’ point: you got and were not qualified just as others do today, irrespective of how subtly you may denigrate them!

Still am getting more confused: I heard the Hon. Prime Minister’s statement in which he invoked your name and all of a sudden you are gallivanting from one medium to another condemning his utterance. Am confused, why one must go at such lengths to defend their brevity, their “socio-political midwifery role” as if all you want to do is distance yourself from the trappings of the Government.

I would just remain silent; why "family and friends" must be invoked? How do you explain your words by doing just what you say you will not do: “grovel and crawl” delimiting your background, pride, dignity, and self-worth in the process; as for your education, can I ask whether or not you are a politician or a social scientist? Well both perhaps; should we treat you otherwise?

I’m enlightened by the outcome of this exchange of words you have resorted to in response to the Hon. Prime Minister's statement. All my confusion about what you call the Red Clinic has gone, because from my simple view what you have so painstakingly described is no different from what transpires with everyone who has an impediment in meeting the full requirements to qualify for a government entitlement. Yes they all seek an audience with the Hon. Prime Minister (in most occasions in his capacity, as defined by law, as Minister of Finance) and when granted the privilege they, just as you, receive the opportunity to obtain a waiver of their disqualification.

Hey you know what is most admirable? They are all given a listening ear. Nothing beats that, and like all those who have been given the opportunity to have an audience with the Hon. Prime Minister, they got an earful…yes indeed! I’m a bit tickled to just know that you, Dr. Severin, were a recipient despite all the ranting! And am pleased to inform your audience that it is necessary to use self-proclaimed socio-political midwifes as the rudder to gauge the effectiveness and relevance of any government’s public support programme – who would you use, Dr. Severin? Just suggesting an area for further research or just more talk!

Moreover thank you for so courageously confirming the politicians’ message to Dominicans that the public support and individual response of the Roosevelt Skerrit Labour Government is not only color blind but very indiscriminate. I therefore wish to say no more but to “impart grace, (well lace with laughter, respectable ridicule, and pure delight) to the hearers;” Aah in this case, “readers.” So I beseech you, my dear Uncle, to keep writing!

Well......cage à oiseaux?

Driving around the countryside has become a burden; no sounds of a busy grandmother, no fish brooth awaiting the warm Thurs noon, no ripen Julie Mango, no last Grafted Guava to steal.....TV is off...all but the familiar green remain....so I find it hard to go.

The familiar mishap on the otherside still occcurs; of late I find my innocence purged, more so attacked.....I appreciate the smooth ride on the newly surfaced west coast road...smooth the whole nine yards are eons away. I dread the delibitating mountain drive....its eventual pasage through places I once held dear....now seem like natures' dictates that I must experience particular encounters, perhaps witness things that I would not invite voluntarily...but which unfortunately do happens...even when I fully restrict my movement.

And so am judged. Looked on as one who fools myself; who does not accept that all is not OK. So I laugh, then I ponder, then I write.

Am I a part of a person's own discovery of themselves...yet frightened at a realization but easy to dismiss because I'm alive. Am I dictating by decree; by presence, by position, by status, by opportunity.....I see unanswerrable questions whorl themselves as a twister...an OKie tornado spinning into an unsuspecting neighborhood....passion turn to fear....And I wonder why!

There are moments when our self perpetuated twisters encircles within our beings and the easiest means of coping is to look outward, to run, to avoid perhaps to drown it out with modern sounds....sounds that not only engage the ear...but more so the bocal cavity, even our lower extremes, sacred protected spared! We see it out there so we attack our very inner movements......some say we lie to our own selfs....we pretend we do not see....

Again and again...it is another outward view, void of inner works, excuses on excuses of what is happening but short on the ability or courage to just end the noise and be what is required....OURSELF and say with proud yet calm honesty...You cannot supply my needs....you do not really know what I want nor trully need....you are not capable at this point in my life neither do I really want you to even if you are capable.

Expectations and having them are human; but we can become calous and unrealistic if we demand or comand our expectations. Am proud to be human thus having expectations is a sure sign of my humanity; but to think that I should not have and should not learn to live with them fullfilled and/or unrealized is certainly unwise....You live by your expectations you adjust those that are unrealistic and let go of some to be replaced by new....our lives are viewed as being different when we have the courage to fine tune our expectations....our hopes our dreams...otherwise we die!

Blunt honesty....a Bird in flight...airborne but alive! Our lives are called to be.....not do....to become....not get done. Like birds we should not be afraid to fly far beneath our wing's span.....to venture as we accustom but be willing to accept that the only TRUTH that really matters is that are we willing to let go of those prison camp doors so that our flight wil be unhindered, unfettered, unshafted....so often we misjudge our prison gates, we assume, we fume, we run!

Perhaps not, I guess that's why the easiest way out for most of us....is just find someone to blame for it all and the empty comfort it presents can be, for a moment, joyous and passionate...well until we face ourselves again upon arrival of point nowhere!

If nothing else works......

I had a small moment of wonder at the life of some women that I encounter in my life each day. In a world where the price of survival is increasingly costly I realize that it is no surprise that the life lived by a good few women can be seen as no more than a life of undeniable slavery.

Still looking outward is the easiest means to rationalize a common and increasingly so phenomenon. You may ponder on my particular choice of topic this time and may even become suspicious of any motive imputed or consequential. This by no means whatsoever truly reflects the sad fact that many of our women has become slaves to their situations through a combination of their own fault and that of the persons they interact with: parents and boyfriends foremost.

The following photo captures the unfortunate situation frankly and to keep it hidden is just taboo! When society speaks not of its own circumstances but chooses instead to divert its attention from the human to the mundane then such situation breeds itself and metamorphosize in a subtle insidious manner that wreaks havoc within an unsuspecting community. To tell you the truth, they are a few too many women that depend on the sale of themselves to eat bread on a daily basis.

...or if praying doesn't work there is always this.

It is certainly not funny for me to write or blog about. As a father i live each day with the concern the women in my life though vulnerable does not succumb and my boys do not contribute to such. The picture tells much; women find it hard today to act on faith, the belief that God takes care defeats the need for being patient when the next meal rolls on or for some, when the party seem naught without them.

Imagine that there were two reported rapes in my community within the past three days. Women who tell themselves that such life on the edge of a hard drink is fun and they do have fun; however, unbeknownst to them a predator lurks in the dark waiting to devour to take at whatever cost all that is left. I was told that by inserting Spanish Fly and Ecstasy in their drinks the innocent unsuspecting girls were used only to wake up next day and realize that this was no ordinary hangover nor their usual pain after birth. Sadly there are some who do not mind because this art remains the only means through which they and they children can survive!

Paying a blind eye to such in our society bothers on the hypocritical. We have unfortunately allowed a few so call "good men" to so consume us with their political agenda that we fail to even recognize the real and present dangers that our children are vulnerable too. No one seems to care anymore; our attractions are our bellies, some of us our ears. We have become the internet generation (TIGs) and so many actions become acceptable to us. We do not care about ourselves and on most occasions we project our own lack of self-confidence with a false sense of community, of love!

For me all I can say is that prayer works; many of the vulnerable women are not given the level of acceptance that allows them to hear that call. Too often we look at their own base acts and judge. It is time that we as a nation take notice and use the very actions that these women so love to introduce to them whatever options are available to them.

If we fail the rapes will increase and the sad, unfortunate death of innocent children by even more innocent teen mothers will soon become a norm in our social calender.

I do know however that praying does work.....we need more of our mothers to know that such 'uppity' stance will never dilute God's love for you to have fun too!

...so

when nothing else works there is always this.

Daddy's Day....A glimpse into mine!

Living in the village midway between the lofty mountain grandeau and the deep blue ocean gave little notice of the fact that there was no daddy to come home too! The time spent stealing away from and running through the bushes to meet up with the guys to go playing soccer or to swim or to pick wild sea grapes never once allowed me the luzury of the wonder of coming back home to a dad.

Yeah somehow today I remember those moments when I knew the cost to my already tender behind if too much of the day was stolen from my grands at home; the leer of soccer in the scotching sun with my buddies was far greater than a few strokes that I soon learn to evade through some clever orchestrations. Yeah, all the dishes were washed, the front and backyard cleaned to perfection, and the vegetables watered, the fowls feed...who dare beat me for that extra hour on the soccer field?

At evenings I yearned for company of the type that could share my day's exploits; that did not happen! I look on at my friends and often wondered what it was like to have a moment to share what they had. I often smiled when I had to go at their homes - a moment to encounter a moment of hearing the voice of a father...even if at those moments the voices boom at my friends' escapades with me...where you come out? The shared meal, the scolding, the order for incomplete yard work, the question of incomplete homework, the request for assistance in gardenwork, i was exposed to it all but never had the experience of these cherished moments emmitting from what I've learn today...my own personal dad.

So as today arises at the foremorn i sit and ponder on what it takes to draw out those boyhood yearnings and give my own boys a glimspe into life as a boy. I am tempted to cook a heavy breakfast for them and to drive around sharing with them my own inner yearnings and the little special acts I would involve myself to steal a glimpse of it. The moments I use to say thank God I do not have a Dad when I would assist my best friend escape a night thrashing or to give him a space to sleep because his Dad locked him out....I would wish to have no Dad at other moments when my other friend did not show in school because he went out to the Banana fields to assist his dad.

Still the years of boyhood, deprived yearning at times experiencing the dread of none. seem more overwhelming than I could bear that it did not take long to develop the art of pretending that it was ok not to have a dad, that it was no problem and that I could live without that which I really desired in my heart...the presence of a dad. Those were the days.

Today I feel privileged...the years of longings have now turned around...I experience in a very profound manner that same desire portrayed and relived in my own children. I would see Kahil for reasons unbeknown, drop his activity find me whether am asleep, in the washroom, walking by ...it matters not....he would inch himself infront or grab unto a leg and without a word at a moments notice just grab a hug....I have to always immediately drop my guard, whatever am involved with or doing at the moment and just give a hug....and so I relive my boyhood!

Yes am aware that its moments like these that truly defines us; we are given the opportunity to recognize that as we yearn for what we always wanted in life, God finds a way to have us experience it when we least expect but when it is most needed. Looking back I can only see that the need to be a dad is far more critical much more important more needed that the need to be fathered. I have come to believe that if we as dads out there in the world trully understand the nobel gift of service that we are called to render outwardly extending ourselves to be, we will never have the experience of knowing and feeling that joy that sense of freedom that childlike emptiness that sanity, the humility oozing out of our life as Dads!

Having not the initial burden of a nine-month wait; having not the pain of the unknown outcome; having not our own lives threatened by possible loss at child birth; knowing not what the next day would bring and the long art of drawing unto those many demands, nursing caring cooking nuturing and naturing....we dads often miss out on lifes splendor in an unliken manner to our children's mums. Incomparable I say.

Yet to our children we are no mere bystanders; our presence draws a spirited, mysterious and extremely benign outlook and influence on our children. We err if we underestimate it; their tomorrows are better with a dad's guide most of all his silence...Yes guys, for it is in our silence we learn to do what we would not naturally do....that which does not come in our nature...the art of listening!

Yes I say again...to my father friends let today be of meaning to you and all your children...give then that which we as children ourselves almost always wanted: the undivided, unbiased, readily available and non-judgemental ear of men who care enough to just listen!

As for me as I look back at what I wanted most in my own childhood days....I can only be but a guy whose call at any given moment is to be an EARFULL for my own princes and princesses that God has blessed me with: Yes Kharleen, Karhmalee, Jhe-Vaughn, Kahmila, Karhmeron and Kahil I pray that God will allow me to be no less than a gracefilled dad to you all till death do us part.

I love being you all Daddy!

My Beautiful Princess

My Complete Reflection

My Clever Baby

My Passionate Lover

My Deep Carer

My Lone Champion

My Beautiful Princess

My Complete Reflection

My Lone Champion

My Clever Baby

My Passionate Lover

My Deep Carer

Our First of Many.......Our Thirst for More.

I just read this and can no longer sleep. Its just about 03:00 a.m and am in a mood to connect with the Universe, to smile well at the same time resisting a joyous tear or two.

So it reads: "Having a daughter means knowing that whatever else you did or didn't do, you gave the world something beautiful."

Sometimes the pain-filled memory of ignorance of what, why and how we give or is given is uncomparable to the joy of the experience of this sacred knowledge that: "it is in giving we are born to eternity". I know that I did not know what I know now and for me one picture tells a story in soo many wonderful words.

My heart is filled and my life is blessed by living out what I knew so long ago but never had the courage to let be.....a provider and a guide to ones that are irreplaceable-the beats of my heart, but more so for being able to just be there without any obstacles or barriers, condition or situation, ...just being there, oh how that feels wonderful!

I wish for you, all....and I ask Jesus to Bless you in a very special way; I thank you Lord for these gifts in my life; I know you always know what's important for us at any given time of our life. For this and many more we say THANK YOU LORD!

Learning well lean in...its Free!

“Is it lawful for a man to enslave a woman’s affection when he realizes he will never possess it?” Spirits Rebellious, Khalil Gibran

It is a pleasant view watching birds fly outwards or gracefully hover over the sea coastal waters as they live a very free life. I have had a very long and hard life of varied experience in the matters of the heart and have observed some very amazing things and rather interesting ones over the past years. Every day presents a moment in time when you allow the memory of life’s sojourns to greet the inner workings of your heart and mind without any judgement or desire. There is much to find.

I struggled about the issue of love everyday and with a firm belief that God is Love I find it rather unusual that it is sometimes difficult to grasp the true nature of his own defines on the subject of the workings of the heart. As a man am almost always in love; I observe however the funny moments when my ‘being’ becomes siege with doubts about its true nature its place and its purpose in my life. As most words do, they represent a poor sometimes limited reflection of the real meaning of love that draws us to do to be.

Our lives have been so socialized that we so often lose sight of the real and mundane matters that perpetuates life and makes the world happen for us. For me there seem to be a notion imbibed with its own unusual encounters that love is life and life is love but with a human interface. At any given time we know that love does matter; that it although sometimes run beneath as still aquifers allowing for wellsprings of freshness to emerge for he who takes time and patience to dig in. It is the sort of perpetual unrest within ones heart that kills the very yearning that one’s desire while in that search, on that sojourn for love.

I have killed it many times; yet it seem resilient very persistent and I learn that it is not to be contained nor be caged. It must be free in order to understand even appreciate, a possible explanation of Gibran’s words! He wrote that “many a times ignorance kills a woman’s honor and revives her passion; she grows tired and leaves her man, prompted by her desires, and follows a man to whom she lowers herself!” (pg 26) He further states that, and I have come to accept and believe as true, that “a man’s generosity and sincerity” cannot be in exchange for a “woman’s love and affection.”

Love knows no bounds, it cannot be defined by earthly exchanges whether it be gold or silver, money, position, power or fame. My mentor Gibran always warns me that “...love is a power that makes our hearts, yet our hearts cannot make that power!” So profound has been that meditation that in moments when the need arises to reflect on Love I cannot help but to see the open dictates of the Law of Love which is not man’s design nor his to control or possess, impossible.

For me I lived a life trying to be generous, trying to be sincere not realizing all along I foul up because this social dictate cannot define Affection. Man’s social creatures based on his own understanding have set up rigid structures as typical as a marriage that cages love. There are many marriages that are made well because with little haste and of no interference two individuals self discover a happiness that can be shared with the other; whenever that happiness does not exist then there is certain encage-ment, a life of enslavement.....a caged bird. An unfortunate disaster; I’ve had a few!

To often we see this recur in our lives. Having been caged myself out of my own free will I find it pretty much distasteful to be unable to freely express the freedom I now experience without others being judgemental and without me fooling myself in believing that one cage is better than the other or that I must seek to be caged to be in love. I firmly believe that God created us to love; life is about loving. Too often we define love in the strictest sense of our own limited view and experience and never perhaps had the gut to allow our real affections to lead us.

Some women have drawn themselves thus far, ridiculed by social laws; becoming feminists in defiance. But the sacred truth about their personal inner lives would reveal that some hidden love almost always prompts them into action. It makes them appear insensitive perhaps inconsiderate but most glaringly rebellious and defiant. Like them we defile those sacred vows and break promises because if our affections were falsely tuned its lack of proper intonation will be eventual discovered; our noise will be heard as St. Paul said to the Corinthians, we become like “a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal” (Chpt 13, vs 1). Distasteful, limiting, clingy, harmful, useless, total wrecks without affection or warmth!

Very often it is that caged love within our hearts that causes the very disturbance that we either cause or experience. We hide and cage our love only to drop anchor as defined by our customs and traditions assumed to be sacred but which provides the very opposite of what God has ordained for us, happiness, inner peace and the joy of living....of course in Love. We hide behind the cloak of those ‘sacred vows’ and live miserable lives and even makes life more miserable again by subscribing to the belief that entry into another cage will bring the desired happiness that we seek.

But my friends, God is Love and his only obligation for us is to Love. He never interferes with that uninhibited affection we engender within for some other person nor does he dictate that we cage ourselves into acts defined by social norms that limits our freedom and decreases our sense of happiness with him our Ultimate Source. Similarly he never intended for us to remain locked up in guilt or despair particularly at the false notion that the act of freeing ourselves of faked affections and our heartless associations that does not flow with our natural inclinations as he created us.

He made us wonderfully free as himself in his likeness and image; to climb to great heights of ecstasy at the one whom he permits our hearts to be affected by and the knowledge that no gift no bribe no generosity or sincerity, no fake profession of love no power or position, riches or poverty can replace that which lies within which he has placed within as our comfort. Yes no water can quench this thirst that love prompts within.

The amazing discovery however lies in the ability to know when or where it exists; there lies the mystery of GOD’s Law of the Heart. I ask that He grants you the strength to surpass this journey for it is a long road often called life, and while at it, if you find it or had a glimpse at it lean in and partake for there will never be another life again for you. Be free and live! And for some it simply means leave to be free!

Hey....Who else?...............

I've tried hard to escape the fact that I've missed you for years on now; its hard but real. I miss the moments when you would listen to my incessant request for you to just keep growing keep pushing up keep pushing out. There were moments when in the heat of it all you grew pale seem weary and often wilt beneath the scotch of the intense light rays. Still you remained steadfast and strong unwavering in your commitment to one day provide for me.

Growth for you was inevitable; a path that's truly your destiny but placed in my hands to nurture. Very often I experience the fortunate pleasure of your bright green smile and become slightly worried when you turn yellow or pale. I could feel your thirst and often feel an overwhelming sense of guilt when in my eager response to quench your desire for water, I do nothing but retard your own depth that growth that enables you to seek to search beyond your own immediate reach and comforts. I learn that in occasional denial I can observe your own God-ordained efforts to reach deep to stretch beyond your own limitations at attaining the quencher of your ever present thirst.

Everyday serves as a new dawn a new birth; the sun cascades across the mountainside and peers its intensity through the natural prisms created by the spaces among the many obstacles in its rays' path. But its brightness was too great to have deprived you of your daily dose your quota of ultra violet beams....a necessary ingredient to add the luster that shine on your delicate and well defined surfaces. I could see you twist sometimes stretch upwards to be there for more to capture what is out of reach without a moment's notice.

I admire what you have been to me all these years; I cherish the inner calm and peace that the sight of you evokes in my so often disturbed being, yes I savor the sight that seem to solidify that strengthening sentimental connection that sweet anticipating state of just staying enchanted. I dread the day when we must face transformation; yes I will look each day and enjoy the beauty of you as your green gives way to the kaleidoscope of energizing and enticing colors a sign of your mineral-rich impregnation and engagement that is your very own nature your very own destiny your purpose my nourishment. As I behold such beauty I cannot escape the dread that this may just be a short-live moment for indeed change will be daunting and it will beg its entrance and its welcome will never be a subject for reconsideration..for it is indeed your destiny:

To entice my eyes and allow me to enjoy the beauty of your own self;

To allow me full permission not as a reward for any nurturing but because that's what's God's design on you is about;

To become part of me and I feed now not only on your beauty held out in my hands, but more so as I partake and drink deep into your offering of your very self;

And I will be alive, I will live to see another day because of you being you for me and after the end of your visible journey nears;

I am move to say you are truly nourishing because now you have become a real part of me!

Dedicated to my two lovely Cabbages and ever faithful Tomato!

YEH.............................................

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY

THERE ARE MANY MOTHERS AROUND ME, WHAT WE CELEBRATE TOMORROW IS A MERE GLIMPSE OF THE REST OF THE YEAR IN TERMS OF WHAT THEY DO OR WHAT THEY ARE TO THEIR CHILDREN. A MOTHER'S HEART IS EXTREMELY DELICATE, SOMETIMES THEIR OWN PAIN IN BRINGING-FORTH AND BRINGING-UP THEIR OFF-SPRINGS IS DAUNTING....BUT THEIR LIFE MAKES LIVING WORTHWHILE!

TODAY I PRAY THAT THE BLESSINGS OF GOD WILL FOREVER REIGN ON THEIR HEADS; THAT THEIR BEINGS WILL BE TOUCHED BY THE OIL OF LOVE AND THAT THEIR WORLD WILL BE ALWAYS FILLED WITH JOY AND LAUGHTER.

A GIFT OF LOVE TODAY TO YOU!

I TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO WISH MY MOTHERS AND MY FUTURE MOTHERS WHO IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER HAS CONTRIBUTED TO THE PROMISE OF WHAT OUR LIVES SHOULD COULD WOULD HAVE BEEN WITHOUT THEM..........BUT IS WITH THEM

...I SAY THANK YOU!

REGIE

Cocooned or free!

I enjoy talking about my life particularly my life's experiences whether in work related stuff or my own limited but profound travels. One of the areas that remain a sacred cow dear to my heart has been the art of hiding my inner feelings about the people I really care about and often find myself either in self denial or in an utmost lie about it all.

We all do; our needs are borne out of the myriad of hidden desires and cravings that create a special us that is so often not in the purview of those around us. There are those among us who see right through our facade, at times when our own resistance is low or we let our guarded self down, we are revealed.

Walking along the sea shore at my village beach provides a rear glimpse of the life that persists; the sight of those multicolored sea shells and the occasional conch shell find, reminds you of your own life's vulnerabilities. As those brave yet soft-coat creatures seek growth and new opportunities for survival, there must be willing to get out of their current comfort zones and venture out of those shells. The moment of exit creates intense apprehension even fear; beyond such unknown always lies the fore knowledge that it is all unknown.

Yet to remain is certain death. Designed to grow the space will become too small and living within such confinement can be suffocating, demeaning, perhaps humiliating for living to the full becomes limiting. Our lives as Homo Sapiens are no different; we experience these intense need for growth and movement ever so often and we observe sometimes in painful reality those things: places, people, and positions that hold us back, that create the fears to venture out to move forward, to even embrace new realities as they unfold.

Life is such mystery. God in His clever design had orchestrated this dance long before we existed and it is a rational expectation that each one of us will, whether we like the experience or not, be exposed to or must encounter it. To delay the process is human but it is inevitable; it is our human destiny.

I see in my own life those moments when I had to face such; I remember my own high school days when as a boy I had earned the reputation for being the most troublesome the "baddest egg" amongst a crowd of 300 even if I was the tiniest one. The art of defiling rules, being the clown, demanding what I wanted, outmaneuvering fights, taunting girls, engaging teachers, cursing, even while being in the top five students. By the third year I felt the urge, that inner call, to become more than a guy with a reputation defined by others. I learn hard and fast to be open to a new life changing my inner environment while being in the same place! Yes I learned to grow.

The mistake today is to believe that the need for such growth is a thing of the past; looking back for a moment I see those times when that prompt vibrated drawing on that treasured path. As long as we are alive we will be called on to grow out of our own selves and to become new beings undefined but real, hidden to the onlookers but apparent to those who care to watch more carefully and to watch with love. It is when we are most vulnerable our true character is revealed and when challenged to grow we must remember that despite our best efforts to hide our selves, we will never be able to do so from the Universal One who fashioned and now is recreating us!

I pray that we are ever open less we remain dead while alive. As one individual summed it all up, "you are going to be dead for a longer time than you are living, so make the most out of life.....just enjoy life....live!"

Letting Go!

Letting Go is one of the most important decisions one has to make in life. It can come very easy for me and I realize that it has been one of my greatest enemies. Since letting go reflects an inner resolve, it is very often misunderstood as you are giving up or turning your back.

Tomorrow can be a very frightening experience when our life has been filled with memories of past hurt and pain. It is very hard to believe in your own self to accept who you are and to understand what you portray to the rest of the world. It is easy to lose trust even if you spend years building it up; the mere fact that your "life acts" were inconsistent with your "life talks" can send shivers down the spine of anyone. Too often my life has done so and many people who are close to me are left to wonder: what next is he gonna do.

The challenge lies in being more integrated so that in the act of letting go you remain committed, you remain true while letting go of your EGO, your need for CONTROL of anything and anyone in particular, to rid self of the SELFISH motives and inclinations. As one would say you need to get rid of the crap that you allow to build up inside which always fronts you as garbage left unattended but spills out on an unsuspecting friend or neighbor.

So I am opening myself today to the possibility of laughter of really letting go while being filled with integrity, respect and love. It is about being honest that your past has been a reflection of what you are capable of tomorrow and that you should not be surprised that others we see such reflection and be afraid or move away from me. So too there are some actions that I know that I must struggle with that require a simple effort. I must learn not to be too ready: to impress, to flaunt responsibilities, to give impressions that I care and not follow through and more so to stop being so serious with life...to let go and laugh at life and to have fun rather than being so stiff, so uptight, so unavailable to those who love you and those you love.

Yes it is this main reason why I am always sending the wrong message....I never take time out to really listen although am capable, I never allowed the sound of the inner cry of that person to penetrate my inner self because I figure it would in advance and I bring up a defense particularly by doing the usual: letting go, basically isolating them, alienating them in the process. Am hard on people and I make it an excuse for being frank or forward and very often think an always right. I have made so many lives miserable yet am equally capable of bringing joy to the life of many. I fail often to do the right thing and end up making bad decisions in the process causing avoidable excruciating pain....

Teach me Lord that as I journey through this current experience, this stage of my life, that I will be able to let go not of the hurt coming across, not of the challenge of responding to others in need, not of the pain that I feel when others close to me share their pain and certainly not of love just because it seem that I am wrong or its does not appear as I may desire.....

Teach me Lord instead to Let Go and let you heal those who were and are being hurt through me, let my life which once carried your touch be illuminated again, burning brightly in being available for those in need of your love, your warmth, your embrace.

Let me be without so that others may have, let my sacrifice be an obligation to be like you to Love and not look for love in return.

Let me let go of my need to be appreciated, to be recognized, to be given gratitude, let me let go of my own hidden and selfish pride and most of all dear Lord I ask that you let me let go of my need to be judgmental, my defenses for fear of rejection, and my so ready to be talkative mode...

Let me let go of those countless empty words like what I have all written now...and be a beckon to act it out in real and practical ways, never be so inclined to count the cost rather than trust that you have provided in the past and will do much better in the future....that you hold today in your loving and caring palms.

Let me become Lord rather than always wanting to do.....Let me let go .....yes Lord, Let me let go and instead filled my heart with laughter so that those around me will experience what it is to be free!