Living lonely or being alone

More often than not we find ourself on the nadir of life after spending much in between. At this point of life I'm on the zinith....and am looking downwards at the play beneath....sometimes it is called the game of life. Today was pecular and rather enlightening........I experience an exchange of words that allowed me to look closely at what matters most in my life and what requires some fine tuning.

As a typical mid october born....I find myself being swayed off the edge of life rather effortlessly only to draw inner strength and re-route myself back to some sane middle road...very often that effort draws me to an insane far left completely opposite of where I headed off from. That see-saw experience is like a dailly dose of bitter medicine...never am I in harmony with what is...always on the edge....nadir...zenith...beggining end......either or neither nor.........confusing and heart rendering for an active participant...but rather harmless to the simple unlooker.

I guess for those who were active participants the exchange meant some exposure to my inner thought...not always on the ball but very thought provoking and engaging in the process. Having spent the past year wondering and searching for deeper meaning of my personal life...I must say that I can safely embrace being alone at the moment and enjoying the pleasure of just being.....I realize that I no longer feel lonely as I had felt a few months back and that what I considered my core values where challenged by the reality of my very own circumstances.

I have learnt that loving is more of a responsible journey that brings its own challenges on a daily basis rather than a set of good feelings that you believe you can engender within another. Perhaps to my dear followers I never did expose my own status in life; partly because I wanted to experience my loneliness alone and to really get a glimpse of what it feels like when others share their own loneliness.

Yes I have had the privillege of being a lonely man for the past year...searching within more than searching without and killing as many expectations as I could possible kill as they surface. I experience that non-police Universal Being more in my exposure to the needs of others rather than in any form of selfish self desire. I learn to place appropriately the place of food, booze and sex; its liken to my own deja vu...raptured yet earthen.....mundane yet divine.....a glimpse of what life without attachments is like.

Many folks misinterpreted my journey...some say i am no different to the typical man...some thought that I pursued them, others just became trusted friends. I have seen the loss of two very longterm associates while being drawn closer towards one other; yes I understood the art of discerning what being a priority means over being an option...sometimes I learn the hard way. It was moments as these that prayer became different; more in the form of internal moments... voiceless and earfilled. Yes I loss much along the way....I saw changes that I never imagined and I discovered a few things that my own naive nature would have faintly known.

But dispite this amazing experience I learned to just let go and let love be....I am obliged to love and I now know that being alone is a call to be real, to be practical, to be accepting and to make every mountain become a mole hill by applying that extraordinary faith that God has birthed in me almost four decades ago.

It is a great gift to be alone without the burdens of loneliness; today am not eaily distracted, am always inspired, and I try each day to nourish in a wholesome manner my mind, my spirit, my body ....and I thank Him!